You buy an ending every time you start something, and the cost is determined by how closely you pay attention to your personal condition. The “Debt” you rack up is the time you spend avoiding doing the work to know yourself. You don’t realize it but all of a sudden the weight is so heavy you are immobile. It becomes a soul-dragging weight, but there’s a sick comfort of control by the fact you carry it. And that uncertainty turns into something darker the longer you ignore the fact it’s there. There’s so much uncertainty to any life-path, choice or not. I’m hesitant to characterize my experience as trauma but that is essentially what I am describing. With no clear pointing signs to their root. And they may materialize not in the form you shoved in the closet, but just … chaos. Those suppressed feelings are going to catch up one way or another. We tried to work through the truly bizarre time without processing what things actually felt like.
I think a lot of people in creative fields experienced this in 2020. The song didn’t come together right away. With their blessing I showed the other guys in my band and it started its next life in the development process we take with OUR songs. Eventually I had recorded so much extra material and altered their arrangement/chord progression to the point it sounded a lot more like a Jimmy Eat World song.
I opened their session and got lost for a few days just chasing ideas. I asked them to send me their demo multitrack so I could tweak on it. Brilliant song and even better album one of the only albums I can listen to all the way. I listened and thought immediately of a melody line for a verse. Thank you Mr Jimmy Eat World (if that is your real name). Omaha musicians-at-large Denver Dalley and Clark Baechle sent me a couple instrumental demos and asked if I would contribute vocals/lyrics. It was about a week into the pandemic lockdown when I was approached with a collaborative project. Keeping the cost down is to be present in your time along the way. Short story: Whenever you start something, you buy an ending.
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